The Legend of Duderoth
by Patwest
Summary: Duderoth questions... uh... sutff... while he journeys through the island of Vvardefell.
1. Chapter 1

Duderoth

_16th of theLast Seed_

_(Day 1)_

So I walk out of the tower after having some weird survey, and I find the little mud-hole in the middle of nowhere. So that whole, long ship ride with that creepy, half-naked Dunmer; those annoying, totally self-satisfied guards; and that annoying survey dude with the high, squeaky voice was all for naught. Or, actually it was all for ending up in this dump.

Now, after all that, I run into some stupid Bosmer named Fargoth who apparently got his magic ring taken away by the Imperials. Was he talking about my Engraved Ring of Healing? The one I found in some random barrel in the tower/stronghold place? The ring that I was currently wearing?

I guessed that must have been the ring he was talking about. I mean, how many rings would I find in this slum? Especially magic rings?

Anyway, I had no reason to give Fargoth his ring back. There was absolutely no reason why he deserved it. I probably needed it more than he did, and the Imperials must have had a reason for taking it from him in the first place. So what do I do? I give him the ring. Not the brightest idea I've come up with in the 9 short hours of my life…

So the little twerp thanked me and walked off, leaving my stupid Dunmer self utterly dumbfounded behind him.

I decided I might as well try to find somewhere to sleep… I saw a large building down the "street" that looked fairly promising. How inconvenient; the first door I get to at the front of the building is just the warehouse. I decided I might try the ramp that lead to the other side of the building. It turned out that the _real_ front entrance was the _back _door.

I walked in and saw some Altmer sitting behind the desk. I guessed his name's Arille because I _was_ in "Arille's Trade house." I went up to talk to him. I asked if there were any beds for rent. There was one room left. Wait a minute. Hold on. Isn't that rather convenient? I walk in just when there is only one room left…

I went upstairs to the bar and looked around. One room for rent… and only two rooms in the whole inn. Hmmm. I wonder where all of those other four or five people sleep…

I entered the room and find a bed and a dresser. And a chest too. I flopped on the bed and opened my journal, and I think that brings us up to date.

(A/N: This is my first published story. I hope all you readers like it. If I get any readers…)


	2. Chapter 2

Duderoth

_17th of the Last Seed _

_(Day 2)_

Ok. After I woke up this morning, I walked out of the shop/bar thingo while ignoring the stares from all the people and all the random comments like "What's yourrr story?" (Those stupid Nords trill their r's all the time.) Anyway, I walked out of the building and across the bridge, and I saw a silt strider there, but I decided to take the scenic route instead.

Well, as it turns out, just as I'm walking peacefully around the swamps in the direction of Balmora, I hear this growling and then some screaming. I take a couple more steps and all of a sudden, this guy falls out of a tree. Dude… Weird. I decided to take a look at the corpse and I found this strange yellow beanie/traveler's cap/snow hat thing, some robes, some money, and a book… Interesting…

The book is just the Bosmer's journal. At least I think the guy was a Bosmer. (I had a strange day and I can't remember much.) I decided to put on the robe and hat. I mean, I can't walk around wearing these rags all the time. And where did I get these rags anyway? Where did everything I own come from? Ah, well, no matter.

I walk a very, very, very, very long way and I find myself in a valley swamp desert thing. All of a sudden I hear drums and a very high-pitched squeak. I look down and see this three-foot-long rat standing in front of me and biting the crap out of me. I draw my dagger and I kill it in five minutes. Could it really take any longer?

I turned right at the next sign that I came across because it said "Balmora" and was pointing to the right. Maybe that's a sign that it goes to Balmora. Can't think to well after being bitten by a rabies-infected rat.

The valley eventually turned green. I kept going. I met a green spiky thing that started attacking me. I slashed it a few times. It slashed me a few times. I slashed it a few times. It slashed me a few times. I slashed it again and it died. I kept going.

I kept going.

I kept going.

Yes! I finally got to this pillar that said "Balmora" on it. I was pretty sure I had reached it now! Yeah I had! I could see buildings across the river! And a silt strider! And… A wall. Great… I hoped there would be some way to get across it.

I crossed the next two bridges and past the silt strider, I walked through the archway in the wall, (Thank goodness!) and I stopped at the first building I decided to stop in front of. (Makes sense doesn't it?) It was an inn. It was nearly midnight and I was exhausted. I sleepily agreed to pay the rent for a bed and I went upstairs to say goodnight and write this journal and then I think I'm going to fall asleep right now and I'm so tired an

(A/N: I hope my story's original enough. I'm trying not to copy too much. Though I think most everything is pretty cliché by now. I also hope my chapters are long enough…)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_18__th__ of the Last Seed_

_(Day 3)_

I crawled snail-like out of my bed this morning, taking as much time as I possibly could. Then I fell back to sleep on the floor and woke again an hour later. The sun was shining brightly. It looked to be about ten o'clock in the morning. I walked around my room for a bit, and then went downstairs. I exited the inn, determined to find this Caius Cosades.

Well, I wandered around Balmora for a bit and discovered that it was really and I mean _really_ big. I soon got lost trying to find my way around. I picked up somewhere that I might be able to find out about Cosades's residence at the South Wall Corner Club, but I couldn't find that either! I did, however, find a nice "town square" with nobody in it. Nearby, however, were a couple of guilds: the Fighters' Guild and the Mages' Guild.

Finally, after about an hour of searching, I did find Cosades's home stuck somewhere in the back of the town. Caius was nice, but he was a druggy Imperial obsessed with the history of the Empire. Basically, he welcomed me into the Blades, who are the guardians of the Emperor. Hooray… Will I actually get to _do_ anything in this guild? Or is this just an honorary title/association/thingy. The latter soon became apparent when Cosades told me to go join a guild and train up. He also gave me some money to buy stuff.

Well, as soon as I left his house, I already knew what I wanted to try: I was gonna go and become a super-star-fighter-dude-person. Oh, yeah. I also needed a new weapon. Super-star-fighter-dude-people don't go carrying around rusty iron daggers. It's bad for their personal images and egos.

I headed to the nearest shop to see if I could buy any weapons. It turned out the best place for combat equipment was an armor shop! There were absolutely NO weapons shops in Balmora. There was just an armory and a pawnbroker. Oh yeah, and Ra'Virr too. I went to his place.

Ra'Virr's shop was basically a small building next to the guilds with a bed on the top floor and some stuff on the bottom floor. My intimidating Dunmer self marched into the store and demanded to see Ra'Virr's Daedric items, or at least what he _claimed_ to be Daedric. They were really just some enchanted steel and iron items that were pretty much worthless to me. Dejected, I left the building.

Then I had an idea: Maybe the Fighters' Guild gives weapons to its members…? That sounded promising, and after all, I did want to become a super-star-fighter-dude-person. So I marched my super-star-fighter-dude-person-ish butt over to the Fighter's Guild, a mere twenty-five feet away. I talked to the guild master, Eydis Fire-Eye and asked to join the guild. I wondered if I actually had to _do _anything to join the guild. Well guess what? It turned out I didn't. All I had to do was sign the charter and I was IN! YES!!! Now I can go and do missions and kill stuff and become a super-star-fighter-dude-person-guy-doohickey-thingy-dad. I was so excited for my first assignment. Boy I knew this was going to be good…

I had to kill cave rats. Damn. That sucks. Could she have assigned me a more pointless, boring task? I didn't think so. So, at just about noon, instead of getting lunch, (People don't eat here you know.) I went directly to Darayne Thelas's house. She told me about the cave rat infestation and a whole bunch of other crap that I didn't pay much attention to. Then she gave me the key and told me to get on with the extirpations. I wasn't sure if she actually used that word. And what a weird word. Extirpations??? I mean come on. Who says that anymore?

Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. I used her key to open her closet door and killed the rat that was feasting on her beautiful pillows, which I think she said something about when she was talking to me. Then I went to the top storeroom and opened it. I killed the rats there too. Sooo boring. Sooo pointless. Let's get on with the big stuff now, okay Eydis?

So I went back to Darayne and claimed my reward and stuff, and then went back to the Fighters' Guild to talk to Eydis Fire-Eye about the rats. Rats! She didn't give me a weapon as reward! Instead I got a rank increase. How fun.

So I talked to her about a second assignment. I had to kill some egg poachers. That also sounded like it was destined to be an interesting adventure. Sigh… it was time to go to the Shulk egg mine. I followed the river and found a few rats and mudcrabs and such along the way. I finished them off with my awesome-pawesome-super-power-interesting-rusty-iron-dagger-weapon of coolness. They each took about five minutes to kill. I finally arrived at the egg mine and found two poachers guarding it! I went up to them and tried to stab one. Then I found out, oops, they weren't poachers. They were actual egg miners. They eventually forgave me after they chased me around for half an hour and trying to attack me, but I still got a nice fat bounty on my head.

After they were done trying to kill me, I went inside the egg mine and immediately got attacked by a weird wormy thing. This wormy thing had a label stuck to it that read, "Kwama Forager." O…Kay… So anyway, this kwama forager spat poison out at me. Great. First I'm wounded by the egg miners, and now I'm poisoned by a stinking worm.

I killed the forager and headed to the queen's lair, because I figured that's where egg poachers would be: right at the source. And happy happy, joy joy! I was right. And there they were, standing around doing nothing related to poaching. Then, for the third time today, I was attacked. Luckily, the poachers weren't very good with the sword, so my rusty iron dagger actually did some damage.

Hooray for me… I was done with the egg poachers, so I went off through the caves to get out of the mine. It didn't take long to find my way back, and pretty soon I was outside and on my way to Balmora. As soon as I reached the little town square thingy, though, I saw a guard running up to me. I quickly dropped all of the items I had stolen from the Census and Excise offices onto the ground in front of me.

"You have committed a crime and have a bounty on your head," said the guard. "Give me your stolen goods!"

"Alright, here, take them."

"Take what?" asked the guard.

"The stolen stuff! It's right there in front of you!"

"Where?"

"You're standing in it."

"What are you talking about? Are you gonna pay that bounty or what?"

By this time I was kinda confused and rather pissed off, but I paid my bounty and went on my way.

Now, I still didn't have a weapon, but I did have plenty more money than when I started out, so I thought I might as well spend some on a nice tip up to Ald'Ruhn. The minute I approached Ald'Ruhn on the silt strider, though, I began not to like what I saw. (Muhaha. I avoided a nasty split infinitive.) First of all there was an enormous dust storm. Secondly, the entire surrounding environment was gray. How enticing. Not only that but I could also see cliff racers darting around. I hate cliff racers. They have a tendency to _really_ piss me off.

But hooray! I found a weapons shop next to the giant crab-thingo that people lived in and had shops and crap like that in it. You just gotta wonder how they built the Ald'Ruhn manor district inside of a giant crab. Well, anyway, Caius had given me enough money to buy a steel sword, and pretty much nothing else. Damn! Stuff in Vvardenfell is expensive!

Well, after a thankfully short-lived trip to a place I didn't really want to stay in for too long, I headed back to the silt-strider to go back to Balmora again. When I finally got back, it was eleven o'clock and _way_ past my self-imposed bedtime. G'night all.


End file.
